Oct 7, 2011

Tripp on The Grace of Confession

I found these wise words provide profound insights primarily for married couples. They are taken from Chapter 5 of Paul Tripp's "What did you expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" page 73-80. Personally, I found these quotes directly relevant to me and my marriage.

The chapter is part of what he called "COMMITMENT 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness", in which it talks about the grace of confession in 8 points:

1. It is a grace to know right from wrong
"The Bible is God's ultimate measuring instrument. It is meant to function in each of our lives as a spiritual tape measure. We can place ourselves and our marriage next to it and see if we measure up to God's standard"

2. It is a grace to understand the concept of indwelling sin
"One of the most tempting fallacties for us - and for every human being in this fallen world - is to believe that our greatest problems exist outside us rather than inside us . . . We live with flawed people, and our lives will be complicated by their brokenness. Despite this, the Bible calls us to humbly confess that the greatest, deepest, most abiding problem each of us faces is inside, not outside, of us. The Bible names that problem - sin. Because sin is self-focused and self-serving, it is antisocial and destructive to our relationships. Here's where this goes: it requires each of us to say that our greatest marital problem exists inside us, not outside us."

3. It is a grace to have a properly functioning conscience
"It is a sign of God's grace when our consciences are sensitive and our hearts are grieved, not at what the other person is doing, but at what we have become. That sensitivity is the doorway to real and lasting change."

4. It is only grace that protects us from self-righteousness
"The deception of personal righteousness is huge wall in the way of marital change. Here's how it works: the husband views himself as righteous and views his wife as a sinner in need of help, and the wive views herself as righteous and views her husband as a sinner in need of help. So neither feels the need for personal change . . .But there is hope! Grace decimates our self-righteousness . . . When a husband and wife quit arguing about who is the more righteous and begin to be grieved over their respective sin, you can know for sure that grace had visited their marriage."

5. It is a grace to see ourselves with accuracy
"To see ourselves with accuracy is the opposite of self-righteousness . . . I have been amazed to watch an angry husband angrily declare that he is not angry! I have watched a bitter spouse bitterly refuse the thought that she might be bitter . . . Many married people are like the Pharisee in the temple who thanked God that he was not like the other sinners around him. They need the grace of an accurate self-assessment."

6. It is a grace to be willing to listen and consider criticism and rebuke
"All of carry inside ourselves an inner lawyer who is easily activated and quickly rises to our defense . . . Healthy relationships have two essential character qualities. First is the humility of approachability. When both people step out from behind protective walls and open up to the perspectives and help of others, each individual - and their relationship - will be given an opportunity to grow and change. The second is the courage of living honesty. Not only do we defend ourselves from the opinion of others, but we avoid uncomfortable moments by failing to say what needs to be said. In the fear of disagreement, tension, and rejection, we choose to be silent about things that, if addressed in love, could be used to bring new insights to one another and a fresh start to the relationship."

7. It is a grace not to be paralyzed with regret
"I am persuaded that fear of regret is something that keeps us from facing things in ourselves that we need to face. Confession not only calls us to loo at ourselves in the present, but it also calls us to access the past."

8. It is a grace to know that we can face our wrongs because Christ has carried our guilt and shame
"You see, confession shouldn't be this scary thing we do our best to avoid; and sin, weakness, failure should not be the constant elephant in the room that husbands and wives know is there but cannot talk about. . . Because of what Jesus has done for us, we do not have to hide or excuse our wrongs. We are freed from posing as if we are perfect, when in our heart of hearts we know we are not."

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