A God Talk with My Daughter

For some reason, my 9-yr old daughter Tiffany likes to ask deep questions at night. To be precise 15 minutes before she falls asleep. Here is what went on a few hours earlier, which started with a question around the story of Ananias and Saphira, on which my sermon this morning was based. We saw a YouTube cartoon on the story the night before, then talked about it in the car briefly on the way home from church. Little did I know it led to a deep theological chat after she finished her prayer (don't get me wrong, it's not every night the conversation goes to doctrinal channel, sometimes it's more mundane, earthly, girly, or just plain kids talk).

Tiffany: Dad, did Ananias and Sapphira actually drop dead?

Me: Yes, they did.

Tiffany: Why?

Me: Because they lied to God. They sold the house for, say, 10, 000...

Tiffany: What? That's so cheap. Even cars are more expensive!

Me: Okay... let's make it 100,000. They then gave some of the money to the church and keep the rest for themselves - all is well. But their sin was they told everyone at church they gave all the money because they want to be praised. They lied to God.

Tiffany: How did Peter know that?

Me: The Holy Spirit told him

Tiffany: Is this the same Peter who healed the man from birth?

Me: Yes, the apostle Peter. Do you know why people today didn't drop die even though many lie to God?

Tiffany: I don't know.

Me: Because God is patient with us since Christ has died in our place.

Tiffany: O, of course, I understand that. But why did't God make us love Him?

Me: Because God doesn't want us to program us like robots who love Him

Tiffany: Huh, robots?

Me: Yeah, if have Tamagochi or a robot that you program to love you, then it does have to love you.

Tiffany: O I see. That's why He creates heaven, for people who love Him.

Me: Yeah, but not everyone wants to be in heaven.

Tiffany: What??? Not everyone. I always picture heaven like that nice place in Bali. Why wouldn't they?

Me: They want heaven, but they don't want Christ Jesus.

Tiffany: That's crazy! It's Christ Jesus who created heaven.

Me: Yeah.

Tiffany: Is there any bad people in heaven?

Me: Heaven is not for nice people. But for people who believes in Jesus Christ, even though they used to be bad or nice.

Tiffany: What do you consider 'believe'?

Me: You admit you are a sinner, and need Jesus to save you, then you give your life completely to Him to be changed.

Tiffany: Now I know why we need the church ... To tell people about God, Christ, heaven, and the likes.

Me: Yup!

Tiffany: But my friend ________ who is Buddhist said that Buddhism is better than God. What should I say to her?

Me: It's not that Buddhism is better, but salvation is only found in Jesus, the God who came to earth and lived among us.

Tiffany: Hmmm.... I am afraid she won't listen to me.

Me: Well, you need to pray for her, Tif. It's late now. Why don't we stop there, and you close your eyes...

Tiffany: Ok, nite dad. I'll tell you about the book fair at school on the way there tomorrow.

FI Time: Soap for the Heart

Our family group in the church recently started a new bible discussion series on parenting Instructing a Child's Heart written by Margy and Tedd Tripp. We discussed the first sub-topic on Saturday entitled "Life is a Classroom" in which the Tripps talked about the importance of giving formative instruction consistently in every single opportunity that we have with our children, not only in formal settings (Sunday School, family worship). The Tripps also highlighted the need to differentiate between "formative instruction" and "corrective discipline", something which I found immensely helpful. Here is the most relevant quote from their book (p. 20)

Don't confuse formation instruction with corrective discipline. Formative instruction should be happening all the time. Discipline should be applied only when behavior needs to be corrected. If the only time we instruct is when our children need discipline, our children will not listen to our instruction for fear of the discipline. They will also interpret discipline through the culture's view of discipline - as abusive, dictatorial, a violation of personal rights, archaic, and fanatic.

In the ensuing discussion among ten sets of parents, we found that indeed the instructions we give to our kids are often given when there is a need to correct a behavior. "Hey, stop doing that. Taking someone's toy is wrong. You'd better return it to him now or else you will be punished later at home." In that statement, the instruction is buried behind the warning, and can be easily ignored because the child's attention is focused on the avoidance or fear of punishment.

Hence, the main lesson we learned from the first session was the importance of finding or, better yet, creating teachable moments through daily life occurrences. That implies two things: (1) parents need to spend quality time with our kids during which those formative instructions can be imparted, and (2) parents need to be rooted in the word of God so they are capable of imparting those shaping instructions.

I went away from that meeting with a keener sense of such teachable moment. The next day (ie., today) I found myself washing our car with my seven-year old daughter at a nearby petrol station. I cleaned the outside and she helped me with the car interior. She proudly showed me that the parts she cleaned were sparkling afterwards. On the way home, I had a hunch that this could be an "FI time" (Formative Instruction) time. What happened next is the following exchange:

Me: You know, Tif, we clean our dirty car with soap and water.

Tif: Yeah, dad, and our car is shiny now, especially the inside.

Me: But if our hearts are dirty, we cannot clean it with soap and water.

Tif: Dirty hearts?

Me: You know when you envy, when you are greedy, when you do things that sadden God's hearts. We can't clean that dirty heart with soap, right?

TIf: (giggling...) Of course not, dad.

Me: We need a special soap to clean our dirty hearts. That special soap is God. When we come to God, he will forgive our sins and give us a new heart. That's why David prayed to God "Create in me a clean heart, O God"

Tif: So we can come to God to get our hearts cleaned?

Me: Yeah, anytime.

... then we arrived home (in my heart, I thanked the Lord for the opportunity He gave me and looked forward to the next FI time)

Question to Ask Your Kids

It is amazing how much we can learn about ourselves and others, including our kids, by asking the right questions. Justin Taylor posted the following questions attributed to Rick Gamache of Sovereign Grace Fellowship. The ones I particularly like are in bold-faced, and I plan to use them on a regular basis as suggested.

How are your devotions?
What is God teaching you?
In your own words, what is the gospel?
Is there a specific sin you’re aware of that you need my help defeating?
Are you more aware of my encouragement or my criticism?
What’s daddy most passionate about?
Do I act the same at church as I do when I’m at home?
Are you aware of my love for you?
Is there any way I’ve sinned against you that I’ve not repented of?
Do you have any observations for me?
How am I doing as a dad?
How have Sunday’s sermons impacted you?
Does my relationship with mom make you excited to be married?

Book Review: Shepherding A Child's Heart (1)

Saya ingin mempromosikan (tanpa komisi tentunya...) kedua buku disebelah kiri ini. Ada banyak buku Christian parenting yang kita bisa baca, namun kedua buku karangan Tedd Tripp ini adalah buku yang benar-benar biblical, menolong kita untuk mendidik anak dengan berfokus kepada masalah yang paling esensial yang disorot oleh Allah, yaitu masalah hati. Saat ini saya sedang membaca ulang (kali kedua) buku yang pertama, Shepherding the Heart, dan akan share beberapa point penting yg dipaparkan oleh pengarangnya dalam posting kali ini dan beberapa mendatang secara berseri (saya sengaja mengunyah buku ini dengan sangat perlahan agar memiliki waktu diantara setiap bab untuk mengaplikasikannya kepada anak saya sendiri - It's a tough job!)

Kutipan dari Preface to the Second Edition:

"God is concerned with the heart - the well-spring of life (Prov 4:23). Parents tend to focus on the externals of behavior rather than the internal overflow of the heart. We tend to worry more about the "what" of behavior than the "why". Accordingly, most of us spend an enormous amount of energy in controlling and constraining behavior. To the degree and extent to which our focus is on behavior, we miss the heart . . . When we miss the heart, we miss the subtle idols of the heart. Romans 1 makes it clear that all human beings are worshippers; either we worship and serve God, or we make an exchange and worship and serve substitutes of God - created things rather than the Creator (Romans 1:18-25) . . . When we miss the heart, we miss the Gospel. Those internal issues: self-love, rebellion, anger, bittnerness, envy, and pride of the heart show our children how profoundly they need grace . . . When we miss the heart, we miss the glory of God. One of the most important callings God has given parents is to display the greatness, goodness, and glory of the God for whom they are made. We know that the greatest delights our children can ever experience are found in delighting in the God who has made them for his glory." (pp xi-xii).

Dengan introduksi seperti diatas, kita mendapat gambaran tentang benang merah dan tekanan tema buku ini. Bagian pertama membahas tentang tujuan dan metode biblikal dari mendidik anak. Bagian kedua berbicara tentang aplikasinya dalam berbagai tingkatan umur, mulai dari balita sampai remaja. Dalam beberapa hari/minggu ke depan, saya akan mensharingkan apa yg saya dapat dari buku ini, dan ingin mengundang Anda para pembaca blog ini untuk membagikan juga kesan dan pengalaman Anda sebagai orang tua atau calon orang tua atau guru Sekolah Minggu.